Reality Check

So I joined a gym last week. The reasons for it were many:

~ I have heart disease;
~ I've put on more weight than comfortable or prudent; and,
~ My muscles no longer wanted to cooperate.

I got diagnosed with heart disease at 35. Initially, I cried. And then I became scared. Scared that I might die tomorrow. Although exercise was one of the recommended regiments that I had to follow, I did. Initially, I did. But every time my heart would start to beat fast and I’d begin to breathe heavy, I’d panic and stop. I was afraid of having a heart attack. Well, I continued to be afraid for many years. It did not matter that my own cardiologist said that this is what I needed to do and I could do it in the cardiac rehabilitation center where I was closely monitored. I was scared.

My life turned upside down and I began living life like I was on death's door instead of a still healthy 35 year old. I became overly concerned with how things might affect my heart and, basically, I stopped enjoying life. Yeah, I was a lot of fun to be around back then. Then, somewhere along the way I got tired of this. So, I did the next best thing: I continued with my life as if I had not been diagnosed. I didn't say I was smart.

So this is how I lived for many years. Then the 40’s came around and something new was added to the mix: reactive hypoglycemia. And, of course, the metabolism started slowing down and I began to incrementally put on the pounds. At first it was hardly noticeable because I had always been thin. Well, fast forward to present, I am now 30 lbs. overweight and feeling it. I never thought I’d gain weight; it was one of those things that I never expected to have to deal with, as genetically I am not predisposed.

So I joined a gym. Reality and common sense finally filtered in. I am at the cusp of 50 and feeling, for the first time since I got diagnosed, that I have some control over my life. I can no longer live ostrich-like. Time to get my head out of the ground and face the world.

Last week was my first week. I did some weight training and shockingly realized how very weak my muscles were – not only my core, but my legs and arms as well. That was a tremendous wake-up call. And we all know how important weight training is for the heart. I gasped for air and my muscles were trembling but I did it anyway. I have a lot of work to do. The trainer advices me not to become discouraged as she has seen many women stop because once their muscles begin to ache, they believe this to be a) too uncomfortable for them to deal with, or b) they become afraid. I inform her that neither is the case for me anymore; I’ve been there and done that already.

I also took a body sculpting class - cardio with light weights. It was a 45-minute class. Nearing the end, I dispensed with the 2 lb. weights (yes, a measly 2 lbs.) because my arms could no longer hold them. Pretty bad, huh? This tells me how much muscle I have to build up again. I was gasping for air (uncomfortable), sweating (felt good actually) and my face got beet red (but my face gets ruddy quickly anyway) by the end. The class kicked my ass and I did not give it 100%. Common sense tells me that I have to start slow, especially given the heart condition. And I did. And it still kicked my ass.

So I went to the gym three days. I was not happy because I wanted to do five, but on two days I could not move so I passed, giving my muscles time to repair.

The reality of the weakness of all of my muscles, especially the heart, has jolted my senses awake. I don't think I'll be visiting the la-la, such is life, let me sit and watch TV instead of exercising route again. Becoming 50 does that to you. You realize you no longer have youth and the privileges that come with it (like abusing your body without having to deal with real time consequences) on your side. Those consequences creep up on you years later. And at my age, it is a given that if I do not seriously get serious, I will find myself 10 years from now with a bucket full of health problems. As it is, my plate is already full. My goal now is to get my health back, retain control of my life again, and begin to feel good once again.

This is Week 2: I’m psyched.

And if you want to know where you stand in terms of knowledge about preventing heart disease, take the following quiz at Heart Prevention Quiz. I scored 8 out of 10. Not bad.